Personal cancer update

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This is late night stream of consciousness, so if it’s a bit discombobulated, that’s why. My apologies.

It’s been awhile for an update. If you’re reading this I’ll assume you know the drill about our current and future financial needs. But thought to keep you updated as to my current status.

This may sound a bit out there, but when I was young, 5-6 our so, I had a vision of what my life would be like. Not in specific details, but in several major cycles. Teaching, Married, Kids, Being involved in Creative startups. (Just one of which could have been fortunate in a life) Natural History. I’m sure we all have at some point inklings of what our lives will be like so nothing really new in this. What always stuck me was the age, 5-6yrs old). These aren’t wishes our desires etc. They were the path, our at least the concrete steps along the way. I saw these cycles and the clarity with which they appeared and then kept reappearing and became true. For the most part, they’ve been successful.

Working through all this Cancer stuff, I’ve realized all those visions stopped, literally, at 50. I’ve done things of course but if predetermination exists, for me, at least in the knowing of such a thing, pre50 was laid out, post50, tabula rasa. Half a life left and no clear path. By design as well? It’s the blankness part of it all? Who knows!

Then Cancer comes along. To fill vacancy? Give me cause? (No one ever said ones way is always positive). Perusing through all this, (one thing Cancer gives is plenty of think time), I have found one thing I have always loved but had to put on hold through this. Photography.

Without being fatalistic and having been up down and all-around about how to deal with this chronic disease and the multitudinous and constantly changing side effects, which in reality has been far more loss than I would have ever expected, for sanity sake, I need to find a creative outlet if I am going to keep on keeping on. Finally after all this time it’s photography. For many other reasons which I’ll leave to another time.

Photography. It’s the one outlet I’ve always loved and was starting to make a run for when I came down with MM. If I didn’t see where I could go with it, it would be a loss. And having reason keeps me centered.

That’s the update. Not specifically about money. But this is what I am going with.

Some books recently read

I have always been a reader. In my recovery period of cancer I have read voraciously. Crawling into my head and reading have always been a favorite. So thought I’d list a few books.

Stuff Matters, Mark Miodownik

Accessory to War, Neal De Grasse Tyson

Gulp, Mary Roach

Disappearing Spoon, Sam Kean

Demon Under the Microscope, Thomas Hager

Sherlock Holmes, read by Stephen Fry

In a Sunburned Country, Bill Bryson

Tips: anything by Bryson, Simon Winchester. You can’t go wrong.

the BIG deal?

the Big Deal?

It’s taken me a time to let the anger, despair, amazement, shock at how the Kavanaugh drama played out. So finally….

It showed in all it’s sordid glory and self serving sound bites, as well as the PUBLICANS fear of trump and the alternative country he’s sold everyone, how our ‘democratic’ system works. Haley’s the only one who gets it: term limits. There’s more but that’ll come later. We’ve seen the ‘way’ our rights are preserved, protected.

To me there’s a FAR bigger issue here. It only concerns Kavanaugh on the edges. It’s esp. disconcerting because it spewed from the mouth of someone should know better. Esp. when it comes to sexual abuse, terror, fear, powerlessness.

That issue is how Murkowski followed in the footsteps of ALL those men who supposedly represent us. They only represent the patriarchal umbrella we all live under. Murkowski is an example of how women, in order to survive and thrive, have to adopt cultural norms which are humanitarian we are assured. Yet when you kick that rock out of the way, what scampers, crawls, slithers away is hard to recognize as human, even as we are told things are changing. Just be patient. Hmmm. Sounds familiar to some of you I’m sure.

The issue is how Murkowski was able to so definitively say she believed something happened to Ford but it was another incident. ??? That’s what the PUBS said. A convenient way to ‘appear feminist’. ??? You can’t have it both ways! How can anyone KNOW another’s experience in these cases, hard as they are to fathom.

In a quick, short sentence they – McConnell, Graham, Flake – have managed to discount Ford’s experience, without even being there. At the same time showing their understanding of an issue which they, I think is safe to say, would have been the Kavanaugh, not the Ford.

More later. In meantime, donate if you can. We’re going to a MM symposium this weekend. Hopefully something will come out of it!

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Sam

Shared Pain is Lessened
Shared Joy Increased

Victims

Trump claims Men are at a time that is scary, dangerous. A man can be accused of assault true or not. Of course Trump is of the generation and class that sees others, esp. women, as use and throw away items. So of course they are scared, fearful cause their history carries same kind of actions they now have to deny. 40 yrs ago we all looked the other way. All except Men and Women who were sick and tired of playing a game that reduced folks with fear and intimidation.

But men have nothing to fear. Part of the answer is quite simple. As long as men treat others as equal and with respect we will be fine. Last I heard respect was not a limited quantity. Equality is part of this country’s blood.

The more difficult issue is patriarchy. I think men have to be parents. Not on weekends but changing diapers. Wiping up puke. Leaving work for apts. Men need to be caregivers and we need to allow them.

Men need to learn respect for others. And learn it from other men. Not only women.

Ultimately add long as we live under patriarchal rule we will suffer the consequences. As long as we play around the edges and pretend things can and do and have changed well keep getting what we deserve. What’s that?

A system where someone like Trump represents us.

Eternal Vigilance?

Kavanaugh notes on hearing.

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As our country grew, came to be united, there was primary concern, perhaps a carryover from the Monarchy we were escaping from, that today is rarely if ever discussed, in the terms used in the 18th century, particularly during the 1800 Election between Jefferson/Adams. To a man (of course all white males of the landed class) they feared the division of politics into a dual party system. I imagine, (though have not specifically researched yet) their fear was that if this occurred, their great democratic experiment would fail. (How Slavery was dealt with carries this curse as well). The single party system very quickly failed. Thus, we have a 2 party system which has slowly turned into a deep partisanship vehicle for favoritism, and to many, the Rich, and perhaps with Trump at the wheel, despotism. Then, we had the Jeffersonian common man theory vs. Adams, Monroe representative theory based on the idea only a few were capable of governing.

If it’s thought about we’re not told about either this split and/or the 2 theories of governing. We’re all one big happy country!!! Well, sort of, but not really.

Senate hearing for Kavanaugh clearly showed this split at the least to publicly displaying a nominee unable to control his emotions, respect for conflict, intractability on views when challenged, and to many, including myself, outright lying at worst, softening events at best.

What’s gone before is done. Based on his behavior, apart from his unpopular views, I do NOT want him confirmed. Would you want someone who behaved as he did to be responsible for YOUR life as the last resort in our system? I certainly hope not. And the things is, other choices are there! I’m not saying justices that support my views, that’s not what the Court is for (though it has become), but justices who are actually deliberative despite their own views.

Finally I will say, anyone who channels Trump behavior, in NO way deserves confirmation. Pages could be written about all this. Others can have at it. I’m just posting some thoughts that have filled my head, making me Mad, Sad, concerned. Do with them what you wish.

Devils Triangle
It appears he lied about this.

BOF
Questions his answer at the least. One definition means to intake substances via the anus.

Conservative Kennedy wonders about our Democracy

Rape as power over and oppression of
War esp. shows use of Rape as victor’s spoils and instillation of fear

Drinking Addiction, Alcoholism
One point belying Kavanaugh’s “occasional” overdrinking is his “weak stomach” comment. If one drinks to puking and then keeps drinking, you are an Alcoholic and Addicted.

Conspiracy
I don’t think believing this, would reassure me if Kavanaugh was looking at my case.

Demeanor
Definition

Truth

Frat parties

ABA

Equality

Break time. Pardon any errors. Mine alone.