I am not one to proselytize about having cancer. Perhaps it’s my Calvinist, Episcopalian upbringing. Who knows. Something compelled me to say a bit. After 3.5 years, 2 rounds of chemo, weekly trips to Huntsman. I had NO IDEA how insidious Cancer can be. It gets everywhere, affects everything. There is not a day, hour it doesn’t rear it’s ugly head, intruding on any sort of serenity remaining. I have been fortunate in that none of the secondary effects have hit me. Either from the disease or the chemo. However, I can now only walk up half a flight of stairs before I have to rest and catch my breath. Quite a change. One of the major kickers is Chemo brain. The drugs, especially the Revlimid (derivative of Thalidomide) whack me in the head in strange weird ways. It’s a bit odd to think something for cancer affects the brain. The main strategy is I have to plan everything. Turns when getting out of my chair. Which leg to put in the shower. Where all the handholds are. It’s like any foundational perception I use to have is gone. And, it can go from upstairs to downstairs!!! Tongues get tied. The deepest fatigue you can imagine will suddenly knock you flat for hours. Desire has gone by the wayside.

It is like nothing I could ever have imagined. I am not my own person anymore. There’s a first if it was ever there.

So please when someone says they have Cancer, take them more than seriously. Don’t baby, condescend, or feel sorry, or say it’s not fair. Just remember they are feeling things in ways hard to fathom.


Author: sonorasam

Love cats. Gadgets. Reading history, physics, Natural History to Brian Eno. Enjoy Politics to keep my sense of humor sharp. Play country blues guitar. Amateur photographer of bugs. Think I can write (like all of us do). Mountains, Deborah, Everett keep me sane for the most part. Love the Internet, this wild, crazy, frontier that informs, democratizes us. Never thought I would be witness and participant in a culture and world changing technology, but here I am.

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