This is late night stream of consciousness, so if it’s a bit discombobulated, that’s why. My apologies.
It’s been awhile for an update. If you’re reading this I’ll assume you know the drill about our current and future financial needs. But thought to keep you updated as to my current status.
This may sound a bit out there, but when I was young, 5-6 our so, I had a vision of what my life would be like. Not in specific details, but in several major cycles. Teaching, Married, Kids, Being involved in Creative startups. (Just one of which could have been fortunate in a life) Natural History. I’m sure we all have at some point inklings of what our lives will be like so nothing really new in this. What always stuck me was the age, 5-6yrs old). These aren’t wishes our desires etc. They were the path, our at least the concrete steps along the way. I saw these cycles and the clarity with which they appeared and then kept reappearing and became true. For the most part, they’ve been successful.
Working through all this Cancer stuff, I’ve realized all those visions stopped, literally, at 50. I’ve done things of course but if predetermination exists, for me, at least in the knowing of such a thing, pre50 was laid out, post50, tabula rasa. Half a life left and no clear path. By design as well? It’s the blankness part of it all? Who knows!
Then Cancer comes along. To fill vacancy? Give me cause? (No one ever said ones way is always positive). Perusing through all this, (one thing Cancer gives is plenty of think time), I have found one thing I have always loved but had to put on hold through this. Photography.
Without being fatalistic and having been up down and all-around about how to deal with this chronic disease and the multitudinous and constantly changing side effects, which in reality has been far more loss than I would have ever expected, for sanity sake, I need to find a creative outlet if I am going to keep on keeping on. Finally after all this time it’s photography. For many other reasons which I’ll leave to another time.
Photography. It’s the one outlet I’ve always loved and was starting to make a run for when I came down with MM. If I didn’t see where I could go with it, it would be a loss. And having reason keeps me centered.
That’s the update. Not specifically about money. But this is what I am going with.